Shut the F up MF

Well guess what. I found some other things that are bothering me. Isn't that excellent news? Here is the latest list.

"Playing Physical"
You will always hear jackasses like John Madden and Brent Musberger using this terminology, if that's what you can call it, when referring to sports. The thing is, John, football especially is a physical game and the rules require physical contact. I suppose you can "play physical" in a non-contact sport like boring baseball or slightly physical basketball, but when you refer to football players as "playing physical" it's about as useful as saying that a porn star is filthy, Captain Obvious.

The sheepish guy in the restroom
If you are this guy... just wow. This guy can't seem to muster the courage to hit the empty-as-Fear-Factor's-fan-base stalls, and heads to the toilet to drain his willie. Ok, this is a last resort for me because it's dirty - you have to lift the filth-ridden lid and lower when you are done! Are you that afraid of using the urinal on the wall, you big girl? The other bad part of this scenario occurs when a guy that needs to actually sit down comes in and Big Girl skipped a couple of steps. At that point the toilet that Big Girl used is unusable and well you suck if this is you.

By the way, Joe Rogan is a hilarious comedian. Fear Factor is a terrible tradeoff.

"Oh I like everything..."
This is the person you meet in the bar, usually a chick, that has no musical taste. I'll be fair that I am somewhat of a music snob, but let's get serious. This type of person is basically the patsy that the music/advertising agencies dream of. They are the reason people in marketing think that the annoying, ear-bleeding jingle works (see Outback Steakhouse commercial reference). These people are truly corporate whores. Shut up, listen and learn. Get some taste. There are amazing music genres out there that you'll never hear if you just take in the soilent green music exec bullshit.

"I gotta have my coffee."
This will piss a lot of you people off, but it is so true. What is it about being a coffee drinker that makes you compulsively tell the non-coffee drinkers that they'll grow into drinking it. I have been around for about 23 years now and never liked it. I'll admit when you first turn it on, it smells great. The thing is that at about 3pm when that same coffee's been burning all day, it somehow starts to stink. Do everyone a favor and pour the 8-hour old Taster's Choice out and turn the hotplate off. I think coffee is bad for your overall energy level, tastes like all hell, stains your teeth, and leaves your mouth tasting like a hooker's after double overtime. I don't see myself drinking it.

"60% of the time it works everytime."
"That doesn't make sense."

I'm sorry. I wasn't listening.

STAY OUT OF MALIBU LEBOWSKI! STAY OUT OF MALIBU DEADBEAT! Keep your ugly fuckin gold-brickin' ass out of my beach community.

Just so you know, quotes from movies shall "flow like wine." I will only quote from memory.

I just wanted to write in today and speak about the realization I had about my dwindling attention span. I am a little concerned here. I didn't realize it until I was trying to watch TV the other night, about a week ago. It seems that regardless of the show or movie, I have a hard time sitting still through it. I have started to notice it a lot now.

I have HBO and a whole host of other good channels, but even if there is a movie I am watching, I end up changing the channel. This gets extremely worse when there are commercials involved. As soon as a commercial comes on, I will either change the channel, or if I am sick of it all, I'll just kill the TV.

I was talking to a good friend of mine yesterday and he said he has the same problem. Though, when I think about it, it might not be a problem. Maybe we just realize how boring TV is and find other things to do. The thing is, I can sit on my ass all day and soak up college football. Oh well, maybe TV does suck most of the time.

The good news is that I have been playing a lot more guitar and working out/being active more. I haven't had any alcohol since Sunday night and even then it was only a beer. That's good cause I love beer and it loves calories. Oh yeah, and I skateboarded yesterday for the first time since sophomore year in high school. Yeah, I felt a little old, but fuck it. It beats the hell out of just running long distances.

You're killin' me Smalls

Here is a short list of some things I have noticed that are just bugging the shit out of me:

1. Calvin Stickers
www.alexwish.com/ archives/march03.html

Ok, we've all seen these terrible stickers long enough. Please stop buying these stupid stickers. Yeah we all know that there is this irrepressible hostility between Ford and Chevy. I get when he is kneeling down in front of the cross that you think it is absolutely the coolest. God is awesome. But seriously lets get some restraint after we buy that '78 pick-up from our neighbor that we've had our eye on, and have the decency to buy something the least bit original to stick on the back winda'.

1a. Git-R-Done
Yeah this is pretty much the same thing as above, only it burns with a fury right now. I mean think about this. These stickers have the uncanny ability to look cigarette yellow right after being placed on the car in question. It is as though the WT that place these on their cars are screaming WT so bad that it transfers to everything they touch.

2. Noi-vous Corporate Types
snaps.tjp.hu/i/580/snaps__office-space.jpg

Okay, so we all know we need to watch our backs in the "real world," but seriously. When you are drinking with someone from work and you both know that this guy or that guy is annoying (a.k.a. a typical engineer), you have to let your guard down. Could you really not talk shit about Milton if he worked in your office?

3. "Try and..." or "Could care less"
Both of the above are wrong. It is impossible to "try and" do anything. And you probably mean "couldnt care less." Look it up or think about it.

4. The "Good luck man..." Guy
Alright the last one for today. The people at the new job who act like it sucks so bad to get started. For instance "Oh good luck with that, it took me like 3 months just to *blah*." Fuck you. Mr. Hardass. Then later on you find out they have been there like 4 months total and they think they're the shit. Get over it. You are a peon just like me.

"Who is it?
Oh, I'm sorry. I can't come to the door right now.
I'm afraid that in my weakened condition I might take a nasty spill down the stairs and subject myself to further school absences.
Thank you for stopping by.
I appreciate your concern for my well being."

Who??

Just to give you an idea of who I am:

Just graduated from college (I put myself through = LOANS) and moved to a Downtown apartment. I have been living there since mid-June. I hold a computer/software engineering position at a rather large avionics outfit.

Since moving up here, I have broken up with a girl I was with off and on for 3 years, realized that I have no good friends in this town, met many uninteresting people, and come to the conclusion that all the money I am making will be going to the loans I have.

I plan on making some posts here that outline the following:
Things that are bugging me (a Maddox-esque recursion)
Girls
Bands that you should know about
Movie quotes
And many more to be thought of

Hopefully this journal will be funny, sad, infuriating and all the other emotions that we have all the time, but mainly funny. Enjoy!